I had a plan for this week’s post, and then in the way that life does, I was taken in a completely different direction. With the morning sunlight dappling my keyboard, and steaming coffee in hand, I’m quiet enough to dig into the heartache of loss. I use the term loss, but encourage each of us to term it however it resonates personally.
There are so many expressions within this energy. Be that grief – i.e. the loss of loved ones (of both the two legged variety and four), or we can navigate it as the loss of their love. We can feel loss as that of a dream no longer attainable, or a version of ourselves forever changed. We can see it as our own boundaries removing contrast from our experience, or sense the loss of spaces where we once felt safe. Collectively we might see it as the loss of the world as we knew it.
Let us step into this profoundly solitary experience open to the idea that the process of loss unfolds in a multitude of unquantifiable ways. Still, it tests for each of us, our emotions, beliefs and makes us wholly aware of our own inner workings.
It’s a dichotomy, loss. It shakes us to our core challenging the stability of our connection to now. Yet, loss is arguably the single most transformational portal extended on this plane; because it’s through loss that our experience irrevocably changes.
To be clear this exploration is through a spiritual scope, and through that lens we recognize that: in moments of our deepest sorrows, spirituality can serve as anchor, offer guidance, and nudge us toward the path of integrated acceptance. By fully experiencing and acknowledging our pain as a process, instead of out of resistance, we allow ourselves the opportunity to move through loss, rather than lay as tribute to its claim.
One of our profound spiritual learnings is the recognition that everything in life is transient. Everything. Seasons pass, depression inevitably gives way to lightness, low tide returns high and the brilliant spotlight of grief dims to the light through which we view our loss. In loss, we turn to a variety of sources for comfort: church, meditation, prayer, or nature to name a few. But being present in and to loss, means allowing ourselves to feel the deeps of our emotions without judgement to ourselves. It can mean sitting with our sorrow rather than running from it, and recognizing that in the deepest depths of heartache and fear awaits our portal to change.
But here’s the thing about change – we don’t really want to do it.
And the thing about loss – it won’t ask permission.
Now we strike at the heart of our darkest fear, recognizing the power life has to twist our arm to change. We’re forced to find a new way forward, a path unexpected. Here, we face the shocking reality of something new.
We’ve had multiple posts on how resisting is suffering. But in relation to loss, resisting amplifies an already open wound so that we become the pustule infecting our reality. I love Dr. Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief. If only because when we become aware of our awareness we see our own reflection and take stock of our process. Identifying our staging reminds us that we are not the only ones to plunder the depths of the soul, and too, that every phase has its end. Kubler-Ross’ stages look like this:
- Denial
Sometimes there is a graduation to our loss and thus denial might be something we’ve already worked through. We know a relationship is ending before we sign divorce papers, a diagnosis can begin a trek to a final destination. Other times we have no warning as in being fired on the spot or an accident that changes life in an instant. Denial is that initial buffer protecting us from the inevitability of facing a changed reality. - Anger
Anger is a natural response to loss. We direct it at ourselves, others, or even the Gods themselves. From a spiritual perspective anger is the energetic fire that when channeled, can lead us to deeper understandings. Journaling, exercise, or energetic healings can help transmute anger into a force for personal growth. - Bargaining
This is our inherent need to make sense of our pain. Here we ask the, “What if,” and “Why me.” This reminds us to surrender control to the flow of what is. Mantra’s, affirmations and whatever mindful practices resonate, remind us to tap into our faith in understanding that we are not alone on this journey. - Depression
Here we submerge in the ocean of our loss, but it is also here that we’re reminded that we can swim. In the quiet beneath our surface we are insulated in our being. The deeps of our own darkness holds the ascension to profound self-awareness. We are the mirror with which we face our selves, and it is who we see in reflection that begins to heal. - Acceptance
Not to be confused with forgetting or even moving on, but rather, acceptance is the shift in how we relate to our loss. It is the beginnings of light in inky darkness, and the awareness that as life continues, so will we.
Surviving loss is not the absence of loss, but rather recognizing that the path cycles on. Healing is the awareness of the steps we continue taking and the acknowledgment that each step takes us closer to our next version of self. We have the power to make that version closer to or father from our highest expression. As we observe ourselves and our emotions, our hearts can reclaim the green of gratitude for having known that loss as love.
No matter our system of belief, loss reminds us that love never dies, it simply transforms and as we surrender to that transformation, we too, find ourselves changed. By being courageous and present to loss we find the sacred invitation to live, to love and to deepen our awareness to now in our appreciation of what had been.
As we face jarring change and loss in the world, may we be the spiritual warriors who know our strength, and in quiet solidarity help each other onward.
We are all family, walking each other home.
Come home safe.
